First Happy Late 4th to all of you!! I do hope you enjoyed your day in whatever you may have done. To our Country~ and the ones who stand and fight for our country~ I salute YOU! Every year I go to a parade and I stand before the Flag, hand over my heart and it never fails, I get tears in my eyes. Even as I write this I can feel the tears with a lump in my throat. All of the men and woman who fought for our freedom and to the ones who are still fighting I heart goes out to you. For the families who have loss a loved one to war or who have a loved one in the Service, I thank you as well. To give up your loved one for all us to be FREE I can not imagine the anguish you go through. My prayers to you. With Freedom there is a price and I wish it did not have to be that way. Our Flag will forever wave~~
~Happy Birthday America ~
May you for reign forever from sea to shining sea
I know I do not really ever write about my personal life or family crisis on my blog, it is just not me. But I feel I have to get all of this out somehow. Because I want to SCREAM and there is nowhere really to go without someone hearing me and probably wonder, what the hell is wrong with her! Let me start from the beginning. The good news my hubby and I are opening a scrapbook store, Scrapping on the Go ( http://www.scrappingonthego.com/ ) and Pictures Delight. Our web is till under construction. My portion is all Scrapbook supplies, with an Ole Crows Corner primitive area. And Pictures Delight is his Photography portion. It goes hand in hand and we are really excited about. Now we probably will not open when we expected to because of late deliveries so that is a bummer. We will get there and I will post pictures. Now the bad news and the worries that I have and I am trying to stay strong and I pray and pray some more, I fall asleep praying.
I would say about 3 months ago my 82 year old grandma went to the Dr for some routine skin cancer to be removed from her face. Well I had the Dr. look at the one on her arm and he will more alarmed by that one than the one on her face. They removed it and we found out that it is stage IV melanoma Cancer. It is something with the lymph nodes. They say under 5 years is what she has and there is no treatment. At first I thought, ya right what a quack. Then I read on it talked to the Dr. and I thought Oh my God! Granny I know has lead a long life but I guess realizing someone is going to die and facing death is harder. She seems to have a cold all the time that she can not get rid of and a cough. I am assuming, from what I read, it
is the Cancer going into her lungs. I am not sure but the Dr. told me that is one of the signs. So that has been hard to face.
It got me thinking and reading some more for myself. I have a whole body full of these moles, every color and you could pretty much play connect the dots on me. Well I really got to looking at my moles and I really did not like what I saw. So I went to the Dr. and he took the first one off which seemed to be the worse out of all of them. That was about maybe 7 or 8 weeks ago. I have had my second surgery on it and I am waiting for results. The first result showed that I am stage III - severe and they went in a second time to try to contain all of the roots. I got inner and outer stitches almost 3 inches. I called the Dr. today to see if the Pathologist test came back yet but I guess today is their day off. I hate the waiting game and I will not get the stitches out until the 14th. Another fun day because then I get to get 3 or 4 more cut out. And after that a bunch more and after that every 30 days I have to get body scanned because mine are changing so fast and no wonder my moods change so fast cause I can not stand the waiting and the wondering of why ME?????? I am Scared as HELLLLLL. I am only 41, I have 2 little girls, One big girl with 3 babies, I have to be here for them. I have a million and one things to do and I point blank Do not want to Die! Who does? At moments I feel tears, the lump and I feel myself breaking down and I bawl. Believe me I have not cried like this for a long time. I know it may seem selfish crying for myself but with all that is going on I deserve to cry. I am a fighter and I am trying to stay strong! You know I can deal with the crawling out of bed and feeling like my body has been ran over by a truck every day and it takes half of the day to feel half normal because of my arthritis. I can deal with the Planters Faschitis, however the hell you spell it. I just can not deal with the what ifs.
To top it off I have been getting tests done to find out what is growing right under my left rib cage. The ulrasound is inconclusive the Dr. thinks it is a couple of pylops and maybe they came from my Gallbladder. So now I had another test done where they put a radiation dye into my vein. Guess what, now I am waiting for that as well.
Oh this game of life has been a rollercoaster ride. I had my Macayla go to the Dr this week as well for a mole on the back of her neck. I guess my prayers helped because this is a normal one. It will grow with her and she just has to have it checked every year. Thank God!
Life is a gift to us and it can end when we least expect it. This week alone a class mate of mine was killed, my daughter's 25 year old cousin died as a result from a car accident and left behind 3 little girls and another man also died from the accident. Last night I heardmy friend's brother died in a cycle accident. Life is short and I thank God for my life.
Now you know why I am lost, I have been lost in my thoughts and my prayers. And if any of you can fly me to a mountain top so I can scream let me know. Maybe I will find a roller coaster so then when I am coming down the hill I can scream and nobody will wonder hey, what the hell is wrong with that lady! I still gotta have my humor!
As Always~
I wish you all ~Peaceful Blessings to You and to Yours~
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